This page will show the design and progress with my sobriety blanket as it develops! To read about my sober journey and the background to this blanket please follow the link here.
The sobriety blanket is definitely a project that is more about the journey and the making process than it is about the finished article. I will weave into my blanket all the challenges and triumphs of my sober year. I would love to help you design your own blanket so I will share my thoughts as well as the actual pattern I am developing. This means that you can either copy mine or come up with your own!
Sobriety Blanket Basics
First things first. What size and weight do you want your blanket to be? For mine I decided I wanted to use a fairly heavy weight yarn that would grow quickly. I also needed the blanket to be as cheap as possible to make. As a result I chose one of my favourite yarns, Stylecraft Special Chunky. I get all my yarn here in the UK from Wool Warehouse. The link should take you to the appropriate page but if it has moved I am sorry (please let me know!). At the time of writing I am not paid to promote this firm (but who knows in the future eh?? 🙂 ) I just love love love their website, vast number of product lines and their customer service.
The hook size for this yarn is 6mm which is nice and big. The texture of the blanket with this hook size is reasonably firm though so you might want to consider going a bit bigger to make the stitches more lose. This would make the blanket softer in feel.
I have a number of balls of Stylecraft Special Chunky already in stock here. My stash is quite ridiculous to be honest but that is a total separate story of addiction 🙂 I will be able to pick my colours as I go and I will no doubt end up buying more but it is a very good value yarn and I will be saving money on the alcohol!
Sobriety Blanket – getting started
I am going for a blanket size roughly 6 foot square or around 1.8m square. In Stylecraft Special Chunky this means starting with a foundation chain row of 250 stitches. To help me make sure that I maintain this number of stitches I put a stitch marker in every 50 stitches of the chain. One of the problems with crochet when you are a beginner is that the number of stitches each row can increase or reduce without you meaning for that to happen! I will include as many tips as I can to prevent that as we go.
If you want to make a blanket of a different size or if you are using a different yarn, you will need to work out how many stitches to include in your chain. Check the ball band for the tension square. This will look like a little grid with a number of rows and stitches required to make a 10cm square. Divide the size you want to make by 10 and multiply by the number of stitches indicated in the tension square. This will give you the number of stitches to include in your foundation chain. For example, if you want to make a 120 cm wide blanket: 120cm divided by 10 = 12. If the tension square says you need 14 sts (stitches) this means you need to start with 12 x 14 = 168 stitches.
At the end of your chosen length of chain, put a stitch marker in. Chain one more and you are ready to start the blanket.
Sobriety Blanket – day by day, row by row
I plan to work one row of this blanket every day of my sober journey this year. I will post below against each row the colour and stitch I am using and my thoughts for the day. If anyone does join me, now or in the future, it would be lovely to hear from you and to see your work.
Sobriety Blanket – week one
Day 1 – Row 1
I worked the foundation chain and first row of my blanket in black. This is partly because I feel pretty dark as I start this journey. A bit nervous and daunted by the prospect but also very determined. At some point in the distant future I will be edging this blanket. Finishing and framing the work of my year.
The first row is worked in DC in UK crochet terms, SC in US crochet terms. This stitch gives a strong foundation and edge to the work. Tips – make sure you crochet into the second stitch from the hook, the one you put a stitch marker in. Try to put your hook into the same part of the chain stitch each time and make sure the chain does not twist as you work. If anything goes wrong or doesn’t lie flat you can always pull it back out and start again. At the end of the row chain 1 ready to turn for the next row.
Day 2 – Row 2
Day two and I had no sleep last night! I simply could not get to sleep. Most of the nights since last dry January I have gone to bed with a level of wine onboard. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot but most, if not every day there has been some alcohol on board. I have read that this means you are effectively drugged to sleep and as such your body forgets how to put itself to sleep. I don’t know whether this is true but I am certainly struggling for some reason.
The temptation to drink at the habitual time is strong. For me the danger zone is around 6 or 7pm when the other adults in the house all get their first glass of wine. The problem is that they have that one and then might not have any more. Mainly because one of them drinks very very slowly and the other generally nods off! I on the other hand, start at that time and just keep going. I do not drink slowly or nod off.
The second row of the blanket is another row of black DC or SC if you are reading this in the USA. I feel like I need a few strong solid rows of black to give my blanket a strong foundation. Don’t forget to put in the chain stitch at the end of the row.
Day 3 – Row 3
I am so so tired today. Still struggling to get any sleep and when I do sleep I have the weirdest dreams. Anxiety levels are high, not helped by the lack of sleep. I also started with really low grade nausea today which makes me even more anxious. This is particularly difficult for me as I struggle with emetophobia which you can read about here if you are interested.
I am reading about how amazing I will feel in the future and pinning all my hopes on that. I do know that if I give up and give in to that one glass of wine I would feel a lot better. A lot better in the short term that is. If I am every going to kick this habit it will never be easier. Each time I give up and go back to alcohol I will increase the amount I drink. That is the way the addictive properties work. I will then decide to give up and be back at day 1 but coming from a deeper addiction. I have to make giving up work first time.
Row 3 is another row of black DC or SC if you are reading in the US. I would love to keep going at the blanket today but I am going to go a day at a time. I took that decision at the outset.
Day 4 – Row 4
Not a good day. More tempted than ever to have a glass of wine and make the nasty withdrawal symptoms go away. In some ways I feel more hungover than I have felt in a long long time. I haven’t drunk enough to have a hangover for years and years. Although probably drinking enough to give non-drinkers a hangover my tolerance had increased in pace with the amount I drank. It is the unwind of that that I am struggling with now.
My body is prepared for the dose of alcohol. My brain is full of the stimulants it releases to counteract the effects of the expected alcohol. Those stimulants are keeping me awake and making me jittery and anxious. Thinking this through helps me put up with the symptoms. This is a phase to be got through whilst my body goes back to the way it was supposed to be. The way it would have been had I not taken the decision to poison myself on a daily basis!
As I work one more row of black DC, SC in US terms, I am more determined than ever to keep going. Keep going at the blanket and at sobriety. I am not going to turn back. I do not want to re do these days. The app is full of stories from people who are restarting and my heart goes out to them. I am so thankful that they have shared their stories and so grateful for the lessons they are giving me. I cannot expect to be any better than anyone else and I might slip up too in future but their experience is helping me so much.
Day 5 – Row 5
Today has been a much better day. I think my stomach is starting to settle. However, the munchies have set in. I am eating SO much it is untrue. Granted it is a difficult time of the year to be sensible with food. There are so many temptations in the way of treats and big meals and snacks and I am giving myself a let on being sensible anyway. I can only tackle one demon at a time.
I didn’t find the danger zone too tempting tonight but I am really on edge about tomorrow night. New Year’s Eve and a family get together. Plans are laid in the form of non-alcoholic alternatives and I will take the role of glass filler so I can keep my sobriety under wraps. I was going to share with the family but when I started down that track it didn’t go as well as I hoped so now I am planning to stay silent and just get on with it!
Today I feel optimistic and although still anxious and sleep deprived I want to show that in the blanket. I worked a row in white using Trebles (Tr) or Double Crochet (DC) in US crochet terms. Join in the white yarn and chain two with that before starting the row. Make sure to count your stitches on this row as it is easy to add or lose one at the ends if you don’t keep counting.
Day 6 – Row 6
We are all prepared for New Year’s Eve here. Just before the danger zone on day 6. Although it feels as though the danger zone is pretty much all night tonight. No time for much of an update here and I am too tense to share really.
I am working a row in Grey today. The ball band says the colour is actually graphite. I am going back to DC or SC if you are in the US. Wish me luck for the evening. 🙂
Day 7 – row 7
Happy New Year everyone! I am proud to say that I am still on track. New Year’s Eve was fun and I wasn’t tempted to drink at any point. I was focussed on making sure the evening was fun for everyone and didn’t even let on that I wasn’t drinking. There were non-alcoholic versions of everything and I was in charge of filling glasses.
Today is a family birthday so the guests from last night left and a new set of guests arrived for what is effectively a re-run of Christmas Day. I found it really tough not drinking red wine with dinner. There was also a lovely pudding wine which was brought as a gift. I hadn’t even considered that I wouldn’t be drinking that again. We have it very rarely and normally only if out for a seriously posh meal.
There are some types of alcohol and combinations of food and alcohol that I know I will miss. The main two I have been thinking about are red wine with cheese and cocktails on a night out. When I am left on my own for any amount of time and have to feed myself alone I often just go for bread and cheese. I love strong cheeses. I cannot imagine eating them without a large glass of red though so I am going to have to find an alternative food or drink or both!
Today’s row of crochet is another black DC, SC in US terms. I am exhausted after last night and cooking for 9 today. An easy row of black DC will put me back on the path and doesn’t require any more thought.
Sobriety Blanket – week two
Day 8 – row 8
ONE WEEK SOBER – today I made it to one week. I cannot say I am feeling much benefit yet. However, last night I had the best night’s sleep I have had for ages and ages. That said, I am still eating far far too much and feeling rubbish on many levels. Reading ahead in people’s timelines on the I Am Sober app is inspirational and offers hope that in a few more days most of these issues will be done.
Today is my last day of holiday. Tomorrow we all go back to work formally but I did actually spend most of the day today working. I work from home a lot of the time since covid lockdowns a couple of years ago. Some people had to work on the corner of their dining table but I am really lucky and have a home office all to myself. One of the things I really hope to fix about my life this coming year is to improve my work-life balance. I have always worked long hours and when stressed I hide myself in work. A problem for another day clearly, having just done a whole day of work nobody asked me to do!
Crochet today is another row of black DC, SC in US terms. I think I have been forgetting to say but don’t forget to add the chain stitch at the end of the row!
Day 9 – row 9
First day back at work and a crazy busy day. This week is going to be a tough one. I work in finance and it is our end of month and quarter. A lot of people are still on holiday which makes life easier but there is every opportunity for me to work ridiculous hours and bury myself.
Sleep went back to being rubbish last night and when I did sleep I had a really vivid dream where I drank alcohol. I woke up feeling so disappointed in myself and then when I realised it was a dream I was so so relieved! It made me laugh out loud at myself. Maybe that is a lesson in how giving in would make me feel about myself.
I decided that the blanket needs a proper pop of colour so I am going to work a row of Red DC, SC in US terms. The colour is actually called pomegranate for those of you following in the same yarn. It is a lovely shade bright but softened.
Day 10 – row 10
I have been rehearsing what I will say to people when they offer me a drink or invite me out for a drink. January will be easy. Most people I know are talking about doing ‘dry January’ so there will be a lot of wider support, even if only short term.
Once we are out of January I think I am going to start responding with ‘no thank you I don’t drink alcohol any more’. It feels good saying that so I am repeating it to myself in quiet moments.
I play in two amateur orchestras on a Monday and a Wednesday and today was the first day back to one of them. I love music so much and it is a lovely way to spend an evening. However, tonight was my first night for a long time getting back from orchestra around 10pm and not having a large glass of wine. Habits are painful to break!
I feel a bit grey today. Not in a bad way. In a calm stable cool sort of a way if that makes sense. I am doing a row of Trebles (Tr) in Grey. In US terms this is a row of Double Crochet (DC). At the start when you join in the grey yarn work two chain and then do be careful with the first and last stitches to make sure you keep to the number you started with. In my case that is 250.
Day 11 – row 11
Double digits and the milestones are coming thick and fast at the start of this journey. I wonder how I will feel when the milestones are weeks apart. Going back to what I will say to people to turn down the opportunity to drink. The problem is that that just saying no will not be enough. Everyone feels able if not compelled to ask ‘why not?’ when you say you are not drinking. I am still working on my responses to that question. I do not want to come across as judgy or as someone who can no longer have fun. The simple fact is that I have decided alcohol doesn’t do me an good and in fact does do a lot of harm.
I am feeling determined today and I think feeling a little better physically. Work is full on and I am not spending as much time reading stories on the I Am Sober app. In the evenings when I go to bed I am listening to audio books on Audible and have been working my way through This Naked Mind which I would highly recommend for anyone considering giving up alcohol.
Today we are going to work one row in Red (pomegranate) DC or SC for those following US crochet terms.
Day 12 – row 12
Very busy day today. First a full day of work then an evening taking down all our Christmas decorations and packing them all away for another year. This is another event when normally I would have been drinking wine to help the task along. Particularly as it is the end of what has felt like a very long week.
I didn’t stop until the early hours and when I logged onto the sobriety app I realised I had missed making my pledge. The I Am Sober app offers you the chance to pledge your sobriety each day and then later in the day to confirm you kept your pledge. I was able to confirm I did not drink but I could not replace the missed pledge.
I have been trying to put my pledge in at lunch time to make it closer to the time of day I feel is most dangerous. Leaving it till later in the day gives a higher risk that I forget so I will be going back to making my pledge first thing in the morning.
I feel the need to go back to my sober, serious black row of DC, SC in US terms. I need to go back to basics.
Day 13 – row 13
Despite a late night, today was the start of my fitness campaign. Park Run, a weekly free to enter 5km timed race. I haven’t run at all for months and months and I am about four stone, 56 pounds or 25kg heavier than I was last time I ran. My only aim was to run the full 5km without stopping to walk at any point. I made it so I am very proud of myself. The time was 41 mins which is slower than many people can walk but I did it. The only way is up!
Today’s row is another optimistic white row of DC, SC in US terms.
Day 14 – row 14
The last day of week two and a lazy Sunday for me. Good job it is a lazy day because I can barely walk lol. Yesterday’s exertions are really taking their toll. Everyone is talking to me about the benefits of moderation in everything oh and also warm up/cool down. Moderation is not something I am naturally good at in any area of life. Sensible people build up to a 5km run after months of doing nothing. Not me – straight in. Now unable to walk!
I am giving myself a week to recover properly before I go running again and I hope that next week won’t feel quite as hard in the recovery phase 🙂
On the alcohol front I am feeling strong today. The nausea seems to have gone and the last thing I want to do is get up of the sofa to go to the kitchen for anything. I am just fine sitting here with my bottle of water and my crochet hook thank you.
Today I am going to add a nice sensible calm row of grey (graphite) just a steady little DC row or SC in US terms.
Sobriety Blanket – week three
Day 15 – row 15
TWO WEEK milestone nailed. It feels like so much longer! Start of a new working week too and this one is also going to be a big one. Many of my work weeks are. Something I still need to try to improve on this year. Unless I say otherwise I have been working from home. Sitting in my little office looking out of the front windows of our house. I am very lucky with my little office and the view from my window is across a lovely park. Lots of people go running around the park and past our front door. I am even more stiff today after my run two days ago so I can only watch them and wish I was in as good a shape as they are!
I am still not sleeping well. There has been the odd good night which just gives me a taste of what it might feel like when I am through this phase. The nausea seems to have stopped and even the munchies seem to be subsiding but I have put on so much weight! I actually feel uncomfortable just sitting down. I feel like I am wearing a fat suit with rolls and rolls more of me than there used to be a few months ago. Just need to trust this process and at least now I am not drinking vast amounts of calories in wine any more. The weight gain should stop and eventually I hope to get back into shape.
Feeling a bit dark today so I am going to put in a row of black Trebles or DC for those of you working in US crochet terms. Hopefully things will brighten up again tomorrow.
Day 16 – row 16
Busy work day and tonight I went to get my hair done. Lovely to feel a bit pampered. I wouldn’t normally be going to the hairdresser mid week but the appointments were all full. One bit of support I forgot I would have. My hairdresser is a long term teetotal person. I did know that but had forgotten. Her motivation was partly that she just doesn’t like the taste of alcohol but also because she doesn’t like the idea of not being able to help if anyone in her family needed her. Isn’t that an amazing way to be!
I do love the fact that I can now guarantee to be able to pick up my kids or drop them wherever they like at any hour now. In the past there was always a negotiation with them and with their dad. Who needs to be where and when. Which of us can drink wine and who is going to stay sober and able to drive. Then the following morning if anyone has to be driven anywhere early, worrying about when the last drink should be the night before. The more I think about it, the more I love being out of that situation now. I am always clear of alcohol. I am always able to help anyone who needs me at any time. 🙂
Feeling really positive and strong. A row of white DC I think is in order. SC for those of you in US terms.
Day 17 – row 17
Really heavy work day today and a lot of work I didn’t manage to get done because I was constantly in meetings. I am expected to travel into London tomorrow which will take a lot of time out of my day. Orchestra tonight was lovely. We are playing Scheherazade and I absolutely love it. Keeping busy seems to be helping with the process of breaking the drinking habit but the triggers are everywhere. Again coming home after orchestra I would normally have gone straight to the fridge for a large glass of Pino Grigio and tonight for the first time since Christmas the voices were back. Voices telling me I have done well enough now. Two weeks sober is plenty and a glass would not hurt.
The thing is. A glass would hurt. Every single drop of alcohol I drink is poison and every single sip increases my risk of cancer and numerous other negative health impacts.
It feels like I will never be able to let my guard down on this. The physical addiction is still there and the longer ago the decision to stop drinking gets, the more relaxed I feel and the higher the risk of a slip.
I am going for a calm row of grey DC tonight. SC for those of you in US terms. Staying on message. Staying strong and focussed. We have got this.
Day 18 – row 18
Today has been a crazy day. I went into London on a 6.30am train and worked a full day. Left the office at 7 and after being held up by train problems got home around 9.30pm. I had to restart work here and am not yet finished but it is 11pm and I didn’t want to miss posting my blog so here I am.
Faced extreme temptation tonight as late night working would always have been with a glass of wine next to me normally. Also found it quite disappointing the number of conversations about alcohol I heard on the train or in the lifts at work. We are not far in to January and I am already hearing a lot of people saying that they have broken their resolutions to do even just one month sober.
We are all firmly in the grip of the alcohol industry and collectively complicit in normalising and glamourising alcohol. No wonder we all find it so hard to give up!
I knew today would be difficult so I took my crochet on the train and worked one row in white DC or SC in US terms. White for hope and optimism in these dark January days.
Day 19 – row 19
End of the working week and what a week it has been. Busy right to the end today but this evening I had a lovely evening with my grown up son. We started watching Game of Thrones – House of the Dragon. There are ten episodes and we only have today and tomorrow to watch them before my son goes back to University. We were reminiscing in a way as during the big year of lockdowns in 2020 we watched the entire set of Game of Thrones series together all back to back over a few weeks. It isn’t exactly easy family watching some of it lol.
The habits and voices were calling me back to alcohol at the start of the evening. End of a heavy work week and you deserve a glass of wine. One glass wouldn’t hurt. You have done so well and you could easily start again tomorrow or on Monday. You aren’t feeling any better and therefore you can’t have been feeling so bad before. Or if you were feeling bad it can’t have been the alcohol, you are just getting old. Alcohol on the television. Alcohol shown as a desirable product in the adverts and normalised in all the programmes. So hard to stay strong.
I am working a row of red (pomegranate) Trebles tonight. Red for determination and Game of Thrones – although actually I think that should be Gold for the House of the Dragon. Note to self to find some yellow or gold in my stash for later in this project. Oh and those Trebles are a row of DC for those of you working in US terms. Dracarys! 🙂
Day 20 – row 20
Saturday and my second 5km Park Run of the year. My time was slightly faster according to my own timing but slight slower according to the event timer. The number of people doing the run is up near to 500 so there is a lag in terms of when you actually cross the start line. I believe my own time will be slightly more accurate but either way at this stage the win is in actually getting out of bed and getting it done!
I am slightly disappointed not to be seeing any major changes as yet. Possibly because I wasn’t in a dreadful place to start with. Although I must have been drinking upwards of 70 units a week I think so that is pretty dreadful? Maybe I just haven’t given it long enough yet. Also I am not sleeping well still and sleep deprivation is very damaging. I have started getting to sleep better but working until late in the evening made a mess of my sleep pattern last week. There are other changes I need to make to exercise more and improve my diet. Once I feel like the sobriety has stuck as a habit I will try to improve in other ways.
A nice calm row of grey DC today. SC for those of you working in US terms.
Day 21 – row 21
Lazy Sunday and not too many ill effects from the run yesterday. Not even a little bit stiff this week which is great news. Slightly sad because I had to drive my son back to University but that meant spending quite a bit of time with him today in the car which was lovely!
Of course returning home after a long drive the first thing I would have done in the past is reach for that large glass of Pino Grigio so that demon had to be beaten. For some reason the low level nausea returned this evening too so all in all not a great day. Going to head for an early night but before I go…..
One row of black DC would fit my mood I think. SC for those of you on US terms.
Sobriety Blanket – week 4
Day 22 – row 22
THREE weeks sober. Wow! I buried myself in work today and the day flew by. This evening I was out playing my violin in an amateur orchestra which I absolutely love. Giving a lift to a lovely new friend each week now too which makes the journey fly by.
Cannot shake the feeling of loss when I get back to the house and would previously have reached for a glass of wine. I am finding it relatively easy to resist now but annoyingly present.
I heard the voice in my head start to say – nearly the end of dry January today. This was the first time but I sense that that voice will get louder. Something along the lines of – a month is long enough. You have proved there is no problem. This is the cycle I have been through many many times though never in an attempt to give up for good before. This time will be different.
Working an optimistic row of white Trebles or DC for those in US terms.
Day 23 – row 23
Long long day today into London for work. Planned out the blanket on the trip though. Not the detail but I think the colours I will use my favourite rainbow theme keeping the black, grey and white going but when the red runs out I will switch to orange and work through the rainbow!
When I got home from work I was re reading old magazines. I found an article in Runners World from 2017 which actually asks the question ‘Is moderate drinking good for you’ and quoted evidence to say it is. OMG!! Runners World which should be encouraging total fitness and health. There is no wonder we all find this so hard. There is so much misinformation out there. The constant drip drip drip of positive messaging around alcohol is absolutely staggering!
Grim determination today when getting back from London and NOT drinking. Working a row of Grey DC or SC in US terms.
Day 24 – row 24
Feeling really grim today. The low grade nausea is back and I am STILL not sleeping well. All motivation left me and I just went through the motions. Luckily work is still busy and that is something I cannot let slip so I got through the day by focussing on work and blocking everything else out.
Row of DC or SC in US terms in the blackest of black.
Day 25 – row 25
Feeling a bit better today and was called upon to solve problems for a family member. I love being useful and this pushed all my own issues down the list.
For some reason my right wrist is hurting. I guess it could be the crochet combined with a fair bit of violin playing. I think as injuries go that has to be about as nerdy as you could get. Crochet and violin playing. This is not really how I see myself but I guess this is who I am!
Embracing my new self image with a row of DC in red, SC in US terms. I love red.
Day 26 – row 26
Friday and I should be feeling happy for the weekend ahead but for some reason I am not. I have a background headache which is bringing back the vague nausea. Talking to colleagues online at the end of the day, dry January is over for most people despite it only being 20th and I am so tempted to have a glass of wine 🙁
A glass of wine would make my headache disappear. It would stop the nausea. I wonder when I will have a day when I just don’t think about alcohol at all. I would like to track that but the very act of tracking it would make me think about it. The daily pledge on the ‘I Am Sober’ app must also make me think about alcohol but maybe I need that to stay watchful and conscious of the struggle.
More black today I am afraid. Trebles or DC in US terms. A big block of black. Sorry if you are copying my colour ways. Hopefully you are choosing your own in line with your mood and if so I hope your mood and blanket is less black!
Day 27 – row 27
Well what a difference a day makes. Stunningly happy today. I ran my 5km weekly park run expecting it to be equally hard and slow as the previous two weeks. After all I have not done any training, neither have I eaten any more sensibly or lost any weight. Amazingly I knocked nearly two whole minutes off my time! Don’t get me wrong it is still about the speed that some people walk but I was sooooooo happy with that. It was very cold -5 which for the UK is extreme!
This evening I went to a charity classical concert in a very cold church and came home to the usual wine craving but I just got a grip on myself and had a non-alcoholic drink instead. Guinness! I have never been a big Guinness drinker, other than at the races but this 0% version gets a good write up and justifiably so.
Fabulous day all round so a neat little row of white DC or SC for those in US terms.
Day 28 – row 28
Last day of my fourth week and the last day of this blog post. I am going to move to a new page for the next four weeks. I am confident there will be another four weeks. The high from yesterday is still with me and I am having a very productive day. I slept a bit better last night and although cold there is another glimpse of blue in the sky today.
Four weeks feels like no time at all and it feels like forever. Mind blowing how hard this is but I am really really happy to be on this journey. I read my ‘daily motivation’ today on the ‘I Am Sober’ app and it said ‘we are either working on our recovery or we are working on our relapse’. That made me think. If I don’t want to be a drinker any more (I don’t) then why would I want to take a drink. I do not want to reset the clock to zero days. I am looking forward to my one month milestone and on from there. Is anyone with me? I do wonder whether anyone will ever read this.
Working a final row for the page and first four weeks, Red DC or SC in US terms. See you on the next page which you can find here.
Annie 🙂