Here we are with the experiences and instructions for my Sobriety blanket month two! I started on this journey 26th December 2022. If you are new to the story you might want to go back to the original post here, for the starting instructions. If you are here mainly for crochet then you might be better on my other blog which you can find here.
The story is split onto a second page because the post was getting too long. It is quite nice to start my fifth week with a clean sheet. Hard to believe I am four weeks in to this sobriety thing. I can’t honestly say I am seeing positive changes yet really but I do believe it is getting easier. There is a real risk approaching at the end of January. It seems everyone around me is going back to drinking. I don’t know anyone in my day to day ‘real’ world who is in this for the long haul.
If anyone out there is reading this and with me on the long term journey please post a comment!! It would mean so much to know you are there. Even if that is in the distant future. I don’t expect anyone will read this but I have no plans to take it down so maybe …. one day….. 🙂
Sobriety blanket month two – week five
Day 29 – row 29
The start of week five. My work week starts with a team meeting. This is generally quite a social affair rather than worky. We started to have these meetings to replace the kitchen based discussions that used to happen in the office. Working from home is strange. Under covid restrictions we all started working from home as the norm and that tended to mean long intense days with little social interaction.
I still find now that on days when I go into the office I get far far less done and there is a lot of interruption and chat. As with all things a balance is needed. It is lovely to catch up with the team on a Monday and hear stories of their weekends. The subject of dry January came up today. There had been one other person with me for dry January but they cracked over the weekend so I am on my own. Although, a couple of them didn’t drink much in the first place. As we get towards the end of January the nagging voice in my head is definitely getting louder. One month is enough. You can get back to ‘normal’ now.
Working a row of DC in black, SC in US terms. We just had a power cut – I can’t remember the last time that happened but it used to be a feature of my childhood. Crochet by candle light – I would not have picked black if I had known in advance!
Day 30 – row 30
I had a lovely day today. Took a day off work and went on a road trip to take my son to an appointment in Henley on Thames. It was the first time either of us had been there. What a lovely place. Clearly a very very wealthy area as evidenced by the cars and shops we saw. We did a bit of window shopping for property and had a lovely wander around.
One of the benefits of my new sober life has to be that I can jump into the car at any hour of the day or night and know there is zero risk that I have alcohol in my bloodstream. I was always very careful not to drink before an early drive but it did require thought and planning. Nightly wine drinking meant I did not drive early or if I knew I had to drive early I stopped drinking early the night before. There were frequent negotiations with my husband over who would drive each trip or teenager taxi service. Who would be able to drink and who would have to abstain. I am glad to be out of that cycle. I suspect my husband is too – but that is a whole other story!
Feeling calm and happy tonight. A row of Grey DC, SC in US terms.
Day 31 – row 31
ONE MONTH complete!! First major milestone for a while. The month seems to have raced by and also to have been going on forever. My last glass of wine feels like it was an eternity ago.
One month in and I would like to be able to report health benefits. I want to be honest about it in case anyone is reading in the future. There are some physical benefits, my body temperature seems to be more reliable. I feel better in the morning when I wake. The main benefits have been psychological. I am just happier overall I believe, less anxious. There is still a bit of a roller-coaster going on so please forgive me if any of this comes across as inconsistent. Just trying to report it as it happens. Here is a separate post on how it feels to be one month into my sober journey.
Time to celebrate with a large glass of…… NO! with a large row of trebles in RED, DC for those in US terms.
Day 32 – row 32
Off to London for a day in the office. I decided not to take my crochet in as it is getting a bit too big and our trains are back to being really busy. General chat around the office and overheard on public transport tells me that dry January is over. It is still January but everyone seems to have given up. Those I heard who haven’t yet given up, are planning end of January celebrations involving alcohol and are excited about returning to ‘normal’.
Am I envious? I am not sure. It isn’t really of any importance whether I am envious or not. The decision I took in December was not to do dry January. I took the decision to give up alcohol entirely. It still makes me feel anxious when I think about that. I am still not comfortable with saying I will never drink again. Baby steps. ‘I have no plan to resume drinking’ is what I am comfortable saying.
Time for an optimistic row of White DC or SC in US terms.
Day 33 – row 33
End of the working week. When oh when will the end of the week stop being a MASSIVE trigger for the nagging voice in my head to start encouraging me to drink! I get all this ‘you have deserved it’ and ‘everyone else is having a drink’ and now ‘a month off is enough’. It is truly exhausting just battling that voice all the time. The messages change subtly over time too. Hard to believe that voice is actually part of me.
I have found a new book to listen to on audible. Alcohol Lied To Me by Craig Beck. So far I have listened only to the first two chapters a couple of times. I am trying to make sure I really really listen without distraction or loss of concentration so I have gone back over a couple of times. It feels like this one will be another good tool in the battle against the inner voice. The inner voice needs a name. Some people call it the wine witch but mine doesn’t feel like a witch so I will have a think and get back to you on this.
Feeling a bit meh at the end of a long week so I am going for a row of Grey DC or SC for those of you in the US.
Day 34 – row 34
Saturday again so another park run 5km. This felt so hard today. I was sure that I had not done as well as the previous week. Especially at the start the run felt sluggish and just hard. The app I use tells me my pace every minute and I was sure sure sure it was slower than the week before. However, turns out it wasn’t! I knocked another 40 seconds off my time which I am super chuffed about!
I don’t know whether I can put any of this improvement down to stopping drinking. It can’t have hurt though can it? Anyway that is now four weeks of the year done and I do plan to keep that up. Turning out in the freezing cold weather or rain as we have been having here should mean that it only gets easier as the weather improves!
My help was enlisted today to drive my husband an hours round trip twice so that he could have a beer whilst watching rugby. I was happy to do this but it made me consider the lengths I would have gone to in the past to ensure that I was free to have a drink. Drinking during the day has never been something I enjoyed doing but evenings I would have put myself out to ensure I had the freedom to drink.
Today’s row is black DC. My mood is not black but the blanket design calls for black 🙂
Day 35 – row 35
Lovely day today, it is Sunday and I had a completely empty day. Lots of chores and study completed. A little bit of work done to make next week easier. This is the end of my fifth week of sobriety. I do think that I have been more productive over the last five weeks than I would have been had I been drinking alcohol.
Today I completed my recap of the first month which you can read here, and made some plans for February. Overall my mood is optimistic and positive. The ‘I Am Sober’ app is still my friend. Daily pledges and a work book of thought provoking tasks to complete as and when you have time. I cannot recommend highly enough. The stories from the community I am in are so encouraging and supportive. Looking ahead there are groups celebrating two, three, twelve months sober and I really want to be there with them. The temptation to wish my life away is not going to suck me in though. This year is to be lived through and enjoyed, despite the tasks I have set myself. I am so so lucky in so many ways and really very conscious of that.
Today’s row is in White – a row of DC, SC for those in US terms.
Sobriety blanket month two – week six
Day 36 – row 36
Start of my sixth week and work has been so busy that I hardly had time to think about it. This is a blessing and also a risk. I did hear the voice in my head a few times saying that one glass of wine wouldn’t hurt. I still have a trigger when I come in from a drive in the evening and switch down to relax. There is an empty space next to me where a wine glass could be and my hands need to be kept busy. Crochet is a good antidote and I try to be mindful when working my row. There is quite a chunk of work now in this blanket and each row represents a sober day.
I decided on a design for the blanket that has a monochrome section between each coloured section. The monochrome elements I am going to make identical and put a row of colour either side to give the blanket an overall theme. This means that there are no decisions to make for a few days! Today I am working a row of red DC or SC if you are working in US terms.
Day 37 – row 37
Final day of January and lots of people are celebrating the end of their month away from alcohol. I am quite comfy in my decision to keep going for at least another two months. I have done a ‘dry quarter’ before so although I am getting asked ‘why’ people aren’t too surprised that I am doing this.
Work has been massively busy with month end and various role changes to work through. This evening I would normally have been exhausted but rather than curl up with wine, I drove over to the village I used to live in. I went over there to perform my treasurer job for a tiny not for profit organisation I keep the accounts for. In the past I might have missed the meeting or turned up wishing I was somewhere else, desperate to be home with a glass of wine. This time I felt really present at the meeting and enjoyed seeing people more than I remember doing in the past.
Back home to work a row of White DC or SC for those in US instructions.
Day 38 – row 38
Another crazy work day and not much to share here. Other than….. quite randomly this week after years and years of not really caring about my appearance, I have started getting up 10 minutes earlier and putting make-up on! I suppose that this is another side effect of sobriety but I cannot make the direct connection myself.
On the ‘I am Sober’ app I am asked to describe my mood each day and this week my mood has tended to be ‘happy’ and I have mainly found sobriety ‘easy’. I am not expecting this to be the permanent state – I know enough from reading the accounts of those who have trodden this path before me. It is lovely whilst it lasts though 🙂
Today’s row is black DC – SC in US terms. Not at all reflective of my mood but that will be the case for these monochrome sections. It doesn’t stop me using the time for mindful reflection whilst working the row.
Day 39 – row 39
Work started to ease off a bit today but I seem to be full of ideas. I made the mistake of sharing some of the ideas and caused myself a lot of work! I do love making a difference though it really is what gets me out of bed in a morning. The business I work for really encourages an ‘owner mentality’ and that suits me sooooo well. I don’t know whether this is a by-product of sobriety but I feel so full of energy and focus at the moment. Sleep is still not something I seem to be able to do well. Imagine how amazing it will feel to have this energy and feel fully rested!
I don’t know whether the sleep disruption should still be a thing. Maybe it isn’t alcohol related at all. I am lying awake for hours then sleeping fitfully. Still need to sort out my diet too. I am eating all kinds of rubbish at all times of the day and night. It could be the poor sleep and eating are connected. Feels like I can only really focus on one thing at once and that has to be giving up alcohol. Maybe next month I can look at some of the other areas.
Today’s row is in Grey DC or SC in US terms.
Day 40 – row 40
Oh dear! What do they say about pride coming before a fall? I was so happy yesterday. Optimistic and finding sobriety easy. Today is Friday and that is always one of the hardest days of the week. Everyone at work is talking about going out or staying in and drinking tonight. Especially with the end to dry January falling in the last week.
I opened a can of alcohol free Guinness – not bad actually. Riding out the bad days and finding ways to cope is obviously going to be a feature of the year. It doesn’t seem very easy to predict up days and down days so I need some habits to fall back on when a bad day happens along.
Ok – update – later this evening I took my daughter out to Five Guys just for a milk shake! It was a lovely bit of bonding time and felt like a real treat. Of course in the past I wouldn’t have been able to go out late in the evening because I would have had a drink and not been able to drive. I do really love that part of being sober. Fittingly today’s row is in White and we are working Trebles – DC for those of you in US terms.
Day 41 – row 41
To say today was busy would be an understatement. I went to Park Run and did my 5km – rather slowly today as I wasn’t feeling great after another night with little sleep. Straight from the run to the hairdressers. I really should have thought that through better – sitting in the chair looking at my bright red face and having to apologise to my lovely hairdresser for being rather hot! Luckily as my hair is coloured/dyed my hairdresser only approaches me wearing rubber gloves so that helped my shame.
This afternoon I was in rehearsal in a local church with one of the orchestras I play in, preparing for a concert this evening. The programme we played was beautiful and it would have been a fantastic afternoon had the temperature in the church not been sub zero! Still enjoyable though and then a really good concert this evening. I got to see a few people who hadn’t been around since the pandemic and that was lovely. Of course the return home was a bit triggering. It would have been the time for a large glass of wine to celebrate and relax, curled up in front of the fire.
I am actually not sure how I would have handled tonight had I not been sober because I have a very early start tomorrow so shouldn’t really drink anyway. I think I would have had one or two glasses. Carefully considering how much I could drink and not have still in my system at 4am when I need to leave. Then would have been worried on the drive in case I had made a miscalculation.
Time to go to bed but a row of Black DC first. SC if you are in US terms.
Day 42 – row 42
Very early start after no sleep. Drove to pick up my son and his friends from Uni an hour away and took them to the airport before driving home. I was back by 7.15 am. Felt a bit spaced out for the rest of the day and tired. Partly after the early start. Partly after the massively busy day yesterday I think. Also feel like I might be fending off a bug of some kind, minor headaches are back and a scratchy throat. I could blame sobriety for the headaches, or rather the alcohol that went before the sobriety. I don’t think that the alcohol or sobriety could be responsible for a sore throat so I think I might have picked up a cold somewhere. As long as it isn’t the dreaded Covid!
I hardly moved from the sofa for the rest of today. Managed to do my row of crochet in black DCs, SC in US terms. Early night!
Sobriety blanket month two – week seven
Day 43 – week 43
Oh my goodness, I just had the best night’s sleep I have had for a very very long time. I use a sleep tracker and it told me that my sleep quality was 99%. I felt amazing when I woke up but sadly the rest of the day felt a bit meh. Back to work and preparing to go into London tomorrow. I have to take my team out for lunch and then team drinks in the evening to welcome a new team member and give a leaving team member a send off. Need to work out what I did right to get that quality sleep. I cannot imagine how it would feel to get that level of rest each evening.
This evening I was at my other orchestra and a few members were missing due to Covid. It is back 🙁
I got back from orchestra and for once the craving for a large glass of wine was not so bad. Possibly because I am focussed on the difficulties tomorrow will bring and another early start! Tonight’s row is in Grey DC or SC in US terms.
Day 44 – row 44
Day in London. I feel like I spent all day doing no work and talking to people. I guess that is what it was always like when we were in the office. Now I really notice the difference between the intense level of concentration and productivity I get when I work from home and the chatty social environment when we are in the office.
Today was a celebration day though. I took my little team out for lunch – nobody drank alcohol although they could have done. One other team member drank 0% alcohol beer and I joined him. I thought I would save the pints of diet coke for the evening!
When it came to be time to go out in the evening I was held back late finishing some work with a colleague and the rest of the team went on ahead. When we joined them they were already installed and had ordered their round of drinks. I was so touched to find that they had ordered me another of the 0% alcohol beers. How absolutely lovely was that?!
I did not find the evening hard going at all. I don’t know whether it was that thoughtful first purchase that required no will power at all on my part, or the talking to myself and preparation I had put in before hand. Banking that though as a proper test of my resolve – passed.
The evening was entertaining – talking to people from my team and other teams we work alongside. I thought I would find it tedious without being able to drink but actually it was far from that. It was lovely to talk to people and I honestly didn’t even notice the lack of alcohol. I stayed a bit later than planned and nearly missed my train back!
Tired now – one row of Grey DC, SC in US terms – then bed!
Day 45 – row 45
Not great today. Tired and feeling a bit under the weather after another night with little sleep. The year seems to be more of a roller-coaster than I was expecting. I am not used to having big swings in the way feel about life but it seems that my alcohol free self has a much more volatile mood. Hopefully this is a transition phase and things will level out to the happier end!
Today’s row is in a new colour, a light grey/Silver and is a row of Trebles or DC in US terms.
Day 46 – row 46
Today continued the downward spiral. I slept badly again. My diet was really poor. I did no exercise despite making plans. Feeling pretty low and fed up with myself. I keep giving myself a let from all other ‘self-improvement’ actions so that I can be sure to beat alcohol addiction. There has to come a day when I stop giving myself the let though. It is so hard to unpick whether the things I am feeling are connected to giving up alcohol or would be happening to me anyway.
When I beat myself up for not losing any weight yet after giving up all those alcohol calories for a month I need to remember that I haven’t put any more weight on. I have been eating for England and not even thinking about eating healthily really – well maybe thinking about it but certainly not doing it! Pre Christmas I was steadily putting on weight at the rate of nearly half a stone a month. Halting that decline is a win. Progress not perfection. I WILL get there.
Today’s row is in White DC or SC in US terms. The first of three I think.
Day 47 – row 47
End of another tough week. Hardest day of the week to stay sober but I met the challenge. I have be been talking to someone else at work who is flirting with sobriety. It will be soooo lovely if they join me on the journey but it is too early to tell. I am trying to share knowledge and encourage but at the end of the day I know it is something that has to come from them. Still this Friday it gives me someone to share the stress and temptation of the end of the week with. Someone who understands.
I have been listening to the ‘Over the Influence’ podcast which I am finding really really helpful. On there they talk about how hard this is to do alone. There is the community on the ‘I am Sober’ app too but I haven’t posted anything there recently. Maybe I need to give myself more time to reach out and develop a support network.
Crochet row for the day is another White DC row, SC in US terms.
Day 48 – row 48
Saturday so it must be Park Run day. Still feeling a bit below par so today was really slow again. It did strike me that I am doing the equivalent of carrying a 4 stone child on my back whist running. That is approximately how much excess weight I am carrying currently. The run for me is not really competitive or at least I am only really competing against the clock. It is not lost on me though that I am overtaken by people who are barely able to run. People 30 years older than I am go sailing past as do a few carrying even more weight than I am. It is a really positive inclusive and you do not feel judged. I am not really running as yet. What I do could be more accurately described as falling forwards or shuffling.
There was one wonderful time a couple of summers ago when I lost all my weight and I really started to be able to run. The feeling is amazing. I do wonder whether I would have managed to keep the weight off if I had stopped drinking back then. My goal this year is to get back there. It feels a long way off.
After about three lattes, a bacon sandwich (so much for the diet) and a soak in the hot tub I spent most of the rest of the day back at my laptop working. Time to relax now with a row of crochet in White DC, SC in US terms.
Day 49 – row 49
Lazy Sunday with our dogs. Listening to the radio and planning more crochet projects. At this time of the year my little crochet blog gets more hits than at any other time because I have posted patterns for love hearts and Tuesday this week is Valentine’s day!
I noticed on the ‘I am Sober’ app that I have progressed past the weekly celebration phase. Today is the last day of week seven but my next milestone is tomorrow when I hit day 50! After that the milestones get further apart and move to monthly. I am not sure I am ready for this. Each and every day feels like a challenge and every week feels like it needs to be celebrated!
Today’s row is back to the light grey/Silver Trebles, DC in US terms.
Sobriety blanket month two – week 8
Day 50 – row 50
50 days in and I am so proud! I am not so happy about the impacts I am feeling. Don’t know why I was expecting to feel better than I do really but I was. I have been to 50 days and beyond before but it didn’t feel like such a big deal in the past because I always knew I was going to go back to alcohol. This time feels harder because I am aiming for forever. I think patience is required and I am not good at being patient.
Two new challenges for the coming 50 days. I am going to calorie count during the week at least and try harder to get more sleep. Today was my first day of sensible eating and going to bed at a sensible time. Onwards and upwards!! Working a steely row of Grey DC or SC in US terms.
Day 51 – row 51
Feeling optimistic today with the days getting brighter and noticeably longer. Mid February and today was a blue sky day. Everything feels better when the sun shines. Not yet into the temptation of the summer beer garden or holiday cocktails though!!
Today I ate sensibly again. Yesterday was the first time I had done that in about six months. I am sure I can already feel the difference. I think the really poor diet in the run up to Christmas was, in part, a reaction to what was coming and the end to the relationship with alcohol. In my head I think I felt like if I was going to poison my body with alcohol I might as well throw whatever I felt like in there by way of food too. Silly really as I now have all that to reverse and it isn’t that long ago that I was in really good shape. At least I proved to myself that I can do it. I can do it again. If I am not drinking I think I will find it easier to keep the weight off and stay healthy in all respects.
I read an article in The Times today which said that the links between cancer and alcohol are not widely known but are strong. WHY aren’t the links well known? WHY aren’t the press reporting this and shouting loudly about it – lives could be saved. This journey could be much easier without the huge social pressure to drink, without the constant positive messages about alcohol we are bombarded with. Shouldn’t the press be reporting this – could it be the money in alcohol, advertising and tax – prevents the ‘free’ press in this country from reporting in a way to benefit the people?
Working a very irritated Grey row in DC, SC in US terms.
Day 52 – row 52
Day 3 of clean eating and really feeling the benefit, mentally if not physically as yet. I am back on this!
Today I had a lovely catch up with a colleague who is on a very similar journey to my own. It is lovely to be able to share experiences and support with someone who really gets it! We have quite a lot in common although I think their situation is harder than mine. The world feels slightly less lonely for me tonight and I really hope they feel the same.
Almost went to my orchestra social tonight in a local bar. Strangely I feel more inclined to go now that I am not drinking. In the past it would have been a choice between coming home to a glass of wine or driving to the bar to have a soft drink then driving home. Obviously the wine won every time. Now there is only soft drinks at home, the bar and good company feels much more attractive! Maybe one week I will go. I don’t really feel like I am worthy company as yet.
Tonight I am working a row in Black – DC or SC in US terms.
Day 53 – row 53
Long day at work today. I was supposed to be out on a bit of a jolly but it didn’t work out in the end. The upside is that my diary was relatively clear so I managed to get a massive amount done! Very productive day.
Started to see a tiny bit of improvement on the scales this morning after three days of clean eating. I really fancied a beer this evening though for some reason – not my normal craving at all. Indulged myself with a zero alcohol Guinness which really hit the spot. Non-alcoholic beverages annoy me for their pricing which is sometimes as high as the alcoholic versions. The government takes a massive slice of the price of alcoholic drinks in tax so for the non-alcoholic ones to be costing as much looks like profiteering to me where by rights I think they should be subsidised!
Working another row in Black DC tonight, SC in US terms.
Day 54 – row 54
Here we are at the end of a long week and the temptation to have a glass of wine is really strong. It has been a week of good news of various sorts and my family pointed out we would normally have been drinking to celebrate. I don’t like feeling like I am the one stopping the celebrations but it doesn’t seem that they can celebrate without me. That said they are happy drinking wine and beer daily without me. I have to rely on the fact that if they really wanted anything they would go for it. I have also asked if we can have a supply of Nosecco in so that I can join any celebration that involves alcohol – at least in appearance! Nosecco is actually one of the most successful non-alcoholic drinks I think, it really does the job and looks the part too.
I am struggling a bit with ways to reward myself or treats to aim for. Obviously drinking alcohol is out of the question. Lovely things to eat won’t work because I am trying not to eat too many calories. Clothes or make up don’t work because I am trying not to spend money! Pamper sessions aren’t really an option because I have no time! I will keep working on it. What I really love is time with my children but that is more in their gift than mine and they are both so busy themselves now. I am really really lucky and have so many little pleasures in my life – maybe what I need to do is be more mindful and grateful and not change anything – just notice more of what I already have. 🙂
working a row of White trebles – DC in US terms.
Day 55 – row 55
Saturday so time for my 5km run. Another slow week. I do think I am fending off some kind of bug so my time was not a surprise nor was the pain experienced in getting round the course! I did keep telling myself that compared to last week I was carrying 3lbs less but it didn’t seem to help. It is impossible to tell who will be faster when you look at the field of runners. There are some 3 – 400 of us each week all ages, shapes and sizes. I think I am probably running at about the speed someone my age/shape would be expected to run at. It is my ambition to be faster than I look 🙂
This afternoon I went with my husband to watch our local Rugby Union team play what turned out to be one of the most exciting matches I have ever been to! I was designated driver but really enjoyed my two non-alcoholic beers and was entirely wrapped up in the game. We won by the way – coming back from 17 points behind at half time to win in the last three minutes! Loads of fun! No alcohol required.
Tonight’s row is in Grey – DC or SC for those in US terms.
Day 56 – row 56
Sunday and a day in front of the laptop just like any other. Catching up on work and getting ahead for the week. I have a bit of travelling this week. Tomorrow night is a new challenge, our quarterly leadership team event. I will be in an hotel with around 90 colleagues and my norm is to be one of the last people standing at the bar late late into the evening. Some people are obviously hung over the following day, some even miss the start of the meeting. That has never been me but I am normally sleep deprived and aware that I have been drinking let’s say. This is going to be a major test of resolve and of my ability to front out what has to be my new persona I guess! Alcohol free.
Healthy eating has taken a bit of a back seat again this weekend so I need to get back to that during the week. Longer term I will not be able to take weekends ‘off’ calorie counting if I am going to make a difference quickly but in these early stages I don’t want to lose weight too quickly. Aiming for two to three lbs a week.
Today’s row is in Black – a row of DC. The coming week I am moving into Orange!! Wish me luck for tomorrow. Actually not luck – wish me strength!
Sobriety blanket month two – week 9
Day 57 – row 57
Well that was a new experience for me! All my working life I have been one of the last people standing at the end of an evening at any event. I haven’t ever disgraced myself or had to worry the following day about what I have said or done particularly. But I have always been one of the last group to leave the bar and one of the ones looking for somewhere else to continue the party when the last orders were called.
Tonight was very different.
On arrival there was some good news. Everyone was drinking but there were some alcohol free beers provided. I could have one of those and not stand out as different. They were actually quite nice. St Miguel 0.0% I think. I can’t say I wasn’t very envious of the people drinking white wine. I was also very tempted by the bottle of Aperol I could see behind the FREE bar!
The meal was a challenge. Bottles of wine on the table and I would normally have been helping myself and hoovering up any spares from other tables. Towards the end of the meal I could tell that others had been drinking. Not something I would normally have noticed so I assume I would normally have sounded like them – a little slurred!
When everyone retired from the dining room and went back to the bar for drinks, I decided the best course of action was an early night. I was actually tired and the venue was noisy and a bit cold. I don’t think I would have had a drink if I had stayed but I didn’t really see any point in risking it. Does this make me dull? Did I only ever stay up late because of the drink? I am not going to judge on the basis of one evening. Let’s see what happens next time.
Tonight’s row is White DC, SC in US terms.
Day 58 – row 58
Long long day of meeting but nice to have had a lovely night’s sleep and not to be borderline hungover and sleep deprived! I had to stay late at the end of the meeting to finish my day job so when I left it was early evening. On the way to the car park at this lovely hotel – Coombe Abbey – I saw a lovely little deer! Very special.
It is lovely to be back home even though the wine craving was at a peak when I came through the door! I am not feeling very well tonight, low grade temperature and a headache. Nothing major but maybe that was why I didn’t feel like staying up late last night. Maybe I am not dull after all 🙂 we will see.
Tonight’s row is very exciting. A row of DC in ORANGE! New colour. SC in US terms.
Day 59 – row 59
Work work work today. So much that I had to miss Orchestra rehearsal and I am feeling a bit sorry for myself because this is going to go on for at least another week.
Once I got away from my laptop – at around 10pm I was watching a bit of television before bed. On the programme I was watching a bunch of people were talking about a night out and someone was called a lightweight for not drinking. Then the character went on to order a large glass of wine. We really are bombarded with positive messages about alcohol ALL THE TIME. It is not helpful. We are also given negative messages about not drinking which is very frustrating.
Working another White row tonight in DC, SC for US terms.
Day 60 – row 60
Another late night working – this was a very very late night and I haven’t actually crocheted my row. I will catch up tomorrow. Just going to bed at 2am but needed to write my diary/blanket post first. I have to be up early in the morning to drive to another offsite meeting but this one doesn’t come with the temptation of a drink as everyone will be driving.
I didn’t really have any temptations to face today because I have just been working flat out. Normally, I would have been drinking a glass of wine whilst working once it got to 8pm or so. My view would be that I had ‘deserved it’.
Now I think I have deserved a ‘clean’ healthy body that hasn’t been poisoned.
Tonight’s row is in black – DC in UK terms and SC in US terms.
Day 61 – row 61
Another long work day but it was really productive and I felt like a real part of the team which I really love. We were due to have family round this evening but they cancelled because my hubby has a bug of some kind and they didn’t want to risk catching it! Can’t say I blame them!! I didn’t get back until 10pm in the end so wouldn’t have seen much of them had they been here. Another night getting in from a drive for me so the wine cravings were there but only minor tonight. It is so unpredictable. Some days that don’t feel like any kind of risk turn into major battles against cravings. Others where you can see an obvious temptation are a total breeze.
Today’s row is a very tired grey row of DC or SC in US terms – followed by an early night! Not looking forward to my run tomorrow.
Day 62 – row 62
Saturday so 5km day. I have to say I actually enjoyed the first mile today. It felt natural to be running at about 11 minute mile pace. I knew I couldn’t keep that going for the full distance so of course the end was HARD but last two weeks the beginning was hard! So I am banking this as an improvement, I think that means I am getting over this cold bug or whatever it is. I really wish I could report feeling physically amazing off the booze but I can’t claim that yet and I am determined to keep this fully honest!
The rest of the day was focussed on family things – spent a bit of time with my children. Took one of them to the airport with two friends to head off on a city break. Spent time watching my other baby (fully grown adult!) perform in a tribute concert with a lot of old friends. Brought back lots of happy pre-covid memories of watching children’s concerts why my two were smaller 🙂 I think my emotions are on more of an even keel since giving up alcohol but it is difficult to put any science to that. I just have a feeling that it is true.
Today’s row is a white row of DC or SC in US terms.
Day 63 – row 63
Just like that – I hit my TWO MONTH milestone today. It feels like forever and no time at all. I cannot imagine sitting drinking as much as I want, as often as I want. Yet that is exactly what I was doing only two months ago….. I wonder whether my body is thanking me. Nothing feels very different, which is quite disappointing. The problem is that I haven’t been eating well nor sleeping well and I have been working far to many hours. Any benefits have probably been masked by all of that. It has to make a difference.
In a typical 60 days I think I would have drunk a total of 90 bottles of wine at least. At an average cost of £7 I must have saved around £630. Of course I haven’t saved that because in this house my Mum and my husband actually buy all the wine. That saving has been made though and my liver has not had to process all that alcohol. Result! Onwards to the next milestone which is 10 weeks or 70 days.
Today’s row is in Orange, a nice big row of trebles or DC in US terms. This is the last row of this post as it is getting a bit long. I will start week 10 on a new page. See you there!
Annie 🙂